Wild Goose on the Fly—sometimes true to reality—sometimes true to Mama Goose’s imagination—sometimes a compilation of reality & imagination.
I rolled into Silver Trail Montana one hot morning with my car making one of those funny repetitive noises you don’t want hear, especially when the miles were rolling by without even glimpsing a distant farm house. The main street had a short run of buildings on one side, two of which were empty, and the railroad tracks on the other side. When I spotted a dilapidated garage at the far end of town, I was giddy with relief. The mechanic whose coveralls had never seen the insides of a washing machine assured me it was just a belt that needed replacing, but it would take 3 to 4 hours to get the part and do the work.
Hence this is how I ended up at the Second Home Tavern at 11:00 am on a Saturday morning, since it was the only other establishment open. 
I bellied up to the bar—isn’t that what they do in the movies—and ordered a bottle of Heineken, no glass. Hey hombre, I was playing the role.
How many years had it been, since I had drunk a cold beer in a bar—-30 years? The beer frizzed in my mouth and down my throat. Hanging on the wall was a neon cowgirl, who was winking her left eye encouragingly every five seconds. Lifting my bottle of beer, I saluted her.
There were only four other people. Sitting at a back table was a woman with melted mascara ringing her eyes nestled up close to much younger man. At the end of the bar was a totally grey man, his hair, his faded jacket and even his skin was the color of cement. Lastly the bartender sporting a sleek walrus mustache lounged against the cooler picking his teeth. Yep, he had a mighty fine mustache. I raised my beer and saluted his mustache, which he interpreted as a request for another beer. Opening the cooler, he grabbed a bottle, uncapped it and plopped it down.
“You wanna run a tab, lady,” he asked.
A tab? I had never run a bar tab in my life, let alone at 11:00 in the morning. “Sure, why not,” I replied. Well I guess I can cross that ‘never’ off my list.
This funny out of body feeling swept over me and I heard myself say, “Bartender, I would like to order a round for the house too.” Ha, I had never done that before either.
Grey Man shuffled over and slurred, “Thanks for the drink, Babe.” His breath smelled like the kitchen garbage cans of my old elementary school.
Wow, I was called Babe. I sat up straighter on my stool. Okay he is drunk and Babe is also the name of a famous pig, but setting those minor points aside he still called me Babe. It’s been a while.
Again I raised my bottle up to salute to my new friend, the neon cowgirl. High five, we are on a roll here.
I noticed a sign advertising nachos. Suddenly I was hungry. ” Bartender I like an order of your nachos please.”
“Coming right up. Do you want jalapenos?”
“No thanks,” I replied. I never eat jalapenos. I swallowed another swig of my second beer. Maybe I’ll get a horse when I get home. While contemplating the idea of also buying a leather vest, the front door flew open with a category five force. A man resembling an unkind Friar Tuck rushed in, kicking aside the tables and chairs impeding his path to the back of the room where the young man and raccoon eyes were sitting.
Shoving a sawed off shotgun into the chest of the young man Friar Tuck spat out, “Cheryl who is this here runt? Hey little man, this is not your lucky day. You don’t go messin’ around with someone else’s wife. Ya hear, you cowering pile of horse turds.”
Slithering down and over the edge of the chair with his hands raised in the air, the young man squeaked out in a falsetto voice, ” We ain’t done nothing. We just talked, drank some beer and put some quarters in the juke box.” Abruptly Friar Tuck jerked the saw off shotgun upwards and blasted a hole in the ceiling. Chunks of acoustic tile slammed to the floor. To Be Continued
mjskit says
OMG! What a fun story and you left it on a cliffhanger!!!!! That was mean! 🙂 Can’t wait to see how this ends.
Carol says
I really didn’t do that deliberately. I didn’t want to have too long of a post. It seemed like a good place to stop. Ha!
Debra says
I love this! I salute you and would love to buy you a round just for this story. Can’t wait to see what happens to the little runt.
Carol at Wild Goose Tea says
I will take you up on the round! Laughing here. Second half is already written. Will be releasing soon.
marcie says
This is such an entertaining story, and I can’t wait to read the rest!
Carol at Wild Goose Tea says
Thank you Marcie. Food is so intertwined with our lives in soooooo many ways. It’s fun to look at an incident or a segment of life thru the lens of food—–which will become more apparent in the second half of the story.
John@Kitchen Riffs says
Wow, what a story! You know you’ve got us all waiting with bated breath (and you know, it’s been years and years since I’ve used that phrase; and realized although I knew what it was supposed to mean, I didn’t know the literal definition of bated — which is, breathing that is subdued because of some emotion or difficulty) to find out the ending!
Carol at Wild Goose Tea says
I often use the term bated breath and have researched the meaning. I enjoy being melodramatic at times particularly when I am writing. So since it will be a day or two before I release part 2 and the ending, it sounds like you need a ‘de’bater.
It appears from your website that function might be fulfilled by your wife?
Cindy @ Pick Fresh Foods says
Great story and very entertaining to read. Can’t wait for what happens next!
Carol says
Thank you Cindy.
Christin@SpicySouthernKitchen says
My brother has a cabin in a small, small town in Montana so I can totally picture this place. Especially with the wonderful job you do with descriptive writing. Can’t wait to see what happens!
Carol says
Yay, I am glad you could ‘see it’. Thank you for sharing that. I am pleased.
Judit + Corina @ Glamorous Bite says
Perhaps you better go with the jalapenos…it seems like it will be that kind of a day! We used to live out in the wild west in Arizona and can just imagine this bar scene from your descriptive story. Have a great weekend and perhaps another round on the house 🙂
Carol at Wild Goose Tea says
I will take the round—but to be honest—please please don’t make me drink another beer. Not my favorite drink. Much rather have a glass of wine or a drink in a martini glass or one with an umbrella in it. Stay tune for part 2 and the conclusion. I have it written, but not as a post yet—should pop out this weekend.
Pam says
Oh my goodness! Is this a true story?
I could picture every detail – great writing! Can’t wait for the remainder of the story.
Carol at Wild Goose Tea says
Thank you Pam. I am having a ball with Hey Mama Goose Advice column—problems solved the good way—the food way.
And also with Wild Goose on the Fly—how food and drink is so intertwined with life in every way every day. Reading all the food blogs is so inspirationally/creatively stimulating.
Maureen | Orgasmic Chef says
OMG I just read the whole thing. PLEASE write a movie???
Carol says
A movie? Oh wow let’s think of the actors for all the parts. Definitely George Clooney for the bartender—or maybe Brad Pitt. Justin Bieber for the young man. John Goodman for Floyd.
I think we are on a roll here.