Hey Mama Goose Food Advice Column

Hey Mama Goose

Strange as it seems my problem is someone being too over the top nice.  That category of nice which is tangled in a multitude of twisting strings. ‘Roselle’ and I live in the same apartment building across the hall from one another.  I’m an unmarried male and she’s a married female, whose husband travels four days a week.

Coincidentally we work in adjacent office buildings, so naturally we often walk to the bus stop together and sit together on the bus.  One time in passing I mentioned my penchant for snickerdoodle cookies coupled with my lack of baking skills.  The next day she presented me with a tin of two dozen snickerdoodle cookies.  Surprised and extraordinarily pleased, I thanked her profusely.  Those cookies were heavenly.  Bar none THE best snickerdoodle cookie I had ever eaten.

My appreciation triggered a Himalayan mountain size avalanch of cookies, homemade cinnamon rolls and pies.  How many pies and cookies can one man eat?  So I started taking the over flow of these quality goodies to work to share with my co-workers, who LOVE this unknown woman and don’t want me to rock the boat.

Soon the baking expanded to include occasional plates of dinner. Since I live across the hall, she would ferry over plates of gourmet food, stating it was too hard to cook for one. What can I say, I’m weak.  Show me a person who could refuse roast pork loin with sweet potato and rice cakes or Madeira braised short ribs with kabocha squash garlic mashed potatoes? Not this person, for sure.

It wasn’t long before I slid into a habit of actually going to her apartment for dinner three and fours nights a week.  Truly it was innocent.  She was lonely and I was hungry.

Life was good until the night her husband arrived home a day early, when we were sharing a meal.  I will admit it looked suspicious.  Roselle sets a lovely table every time complete with candles and a centerpiece.  I normally bring a bottle of wine.  He blew a cork and I’m not talking blowing a cork on a bottle of champagne and cheerfully joining us.  I kid you not, he pulled a gun out of his briefcase and shot a hole through the wall.  Thankfully the neighbors called 911.

Here’s the bottom line, Roselle still wants to continue to cook for me.  The next week when her husband was gone, she expected me to come over for dinner.  When I said no, she brought me dinner anyway and baked me a chocolate pie to take to work.  I can’t get her to stop!  Plus even walking with her to the bus stop causes me to keep looking my shoulder.

Her husband is a bruiser who could be a star of his own wrestling show with a jealous hair trigger temper and a gun permit.  What should I do?

Desperate Wayne

Dear Desperate Wayne,  Move!  Move voluntarily or the husband will move you involuntarily right to ER.

The fabulous snickerdoodle cookie recipe is provided by the equally fabulous Marcie and Flavor the Moments.

http://flavorthemoments.com/brown-butter-snickerdoodles/

Addie from Culicurious contributed the wonderful Roast Pork Loin with Sweet Potato & Rice Cakes.  Guess what?  Addie is wonderful too!

http://www.culicurious.com/roasted-pork-loin-recipe-with-sweet-potato-and-rice-cakes/

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Marcie’s Braised Maderia Short Ribs with Kabocha garlic squash garlic mashed potatoes is to die for.

http://flavorthemoments.com/madeira-braised-short-ribs-kabocha-squash-garlic-mashed-potatoes/