Hey Mama Goose,
I need help right away!!! My fifteen year old son, The Goth, who hasn’t spoken to me since he was thirteen—except one grunt for yes and two grunts for no— requested a lunch tryst this weekend, because he wants to talk.
What??? Talk??? At this announcement I felt my face morph into a rubbery special effect sequence, as it assembled and dissembled from blitzed surprise to wild eyed terror to finally, I hope, some form of nonchalance. Luckily his ever present hoodie hampered his peripheral vision and he missed this movie moment.
Potential scenarios are now flowing into my mind on a conveyor belt with no stop button. Am I going to become a premature grandmother? Has he dropped out of school without me knowing it? Does he want to want to live full time with his irresponsible dead beat father? I’m gobsmacked. I can’t focus enough to come up with a menu. Overwrought Distraught Mother
Dear Overwrought Distraught Mother,
Take the high road in regard to his request. The sun shines there and the path is smooth. The low road is always dark, narrow and littered with rocks. From your letter, it appears you are walking this low road in your bare feet without a flash light.
Maybe your son is ready to do a back flip half gainer into the fashion pool and wants to go shopping at L. L. Bean. Maybe he wants a dog? What a sweet image—-a boy and his dog, even if the dog is a 125 lb. mastiff. Or maybe dear Mom, his vow of silence is over and this signals the beginning process to reopen the communication channels.
I think you can’t go wrong with a twist of an old stand by combo for your teenage son, a sandwich and a slice or two of cake. My suggested sandwich and cake aren’t gourmet, It’s important to be sweat pants casual., but they do possess the eat me eat me hook.
Just as a side note, technically you are suppose to drink wine with your meal. However I suggest a glass or two prior to the meal to insure your posture as a potential Zen monk—-my inner lake is calm, very calm.
Open Face Bacon Egg Salad Sandwich
- 6 EGGS, hard boiled & chopped
- 1 cup CELERY, finely chopped
- 2 tablespoons GREEN ONION
- ¾ cup MAYONNAISE
- 1 teaspoon MUSTARD
- ¼ teaspoon SALT
- ¼ teaspoon BLACK PEPPER
- 4 CROISSANTS, cut in half
- 8 croissant half size LETTUCE LEAVES
- 8 RIPE TOMATO SLICES
- 8 slices BACON, fried crisp
- ) Stir together eggs, celery, green onion, mayonnaise, mustard, salt & pepper
- ) Arrange lettuce & tomato on each croissant half
- ) Evenly divide egg mixture between the 8 croissants
- ) Top each with a bacon slice
He’s a teenager. These are delicious. Hence make plenty.
- ) Cream brown sugar with softened butter
- ) Add remain ingredients—flour, oatmeal & coconut
- ) Mix lightly until just crumbly. Set topping mixture aside
- ) Mix cake mix, oil, egg & water together just to moisten
- ) Blend in yogurt & pecans
- ) Gently fold in strawberries
- ) Pour into 8 x 8 inch baking dish
- ) Sprinkle crumbled topping evenly on top
- ) Bake at 350 degrees F for 40 minutes till center tests done
Debra says
Ok, the next time I have a conundrum of an issue, I am writing you so you can fix the problem with a good recipe or two.
Carol says
I’ve always thought the English did it right when they brewed a pot of tea for every high or low in life. However I like variety. So I think the same philosophy is in effect, but I just use more colors in my paint box,
Abbe@This is How I Cook says
And how did the lunch go? Teenage boys grow up, sometimes. I’m still waiting for the one in China to quit yelling at me over the phone. I’d prefer a nice soft voice, but I do believe the boy’s connection is bad and he just can’t hear!
Carol says
Wow a son in China. Sounds like a great back story there. I hear you (pun intended) about shouting. Makes me cringe sometimes to even hear
it in a movie.
Betsy @ Desserts Required says
Brilliant and well written advice!! Panic, if need, be at lunch but the wine before should help! The lunch menu is fab, too!
Carol says
I love this column, because it’s so much easier to give advice to other than yourself. Ha! I’ll raise my wine glass to that!
Amy (Savory Moments) says
Great advice about the wine before lunch! I like the sound of your strawberry coffee cake, too. I’ve never had a coffee cake with strawberries in it before!
Carol says
Reading your comment suddenly reminded me of my college days and strawberry wine, like I had forgotten all about Boone’s Farm strawberry wine. I will have to google and see if they are still around. When we had a big strawberry patch my husband, Craig, made some mighty fine strawberry wine. But his real specialty was raspberry.
Allie | Baking a Moment says
Too funny! …and a little scary. I’m a mom of boys and I know that this is the kind of thing I have to look forward to. Btw, the recipes sound fantastic!
Carol says
I have two boys. One boy sailed right thru. The second boy only shared with me when I was taking him somewhere in the car. Hence I never minded ferrying him to one place or another. But I am happy to say he outgrew that reluctance to talk.
Maureen | Orgasmic Chef says
My son talked from the time he was 2 and he hasn’t shut up yet. My daughter, on the other hand, started talking at 2 and shut up at 13 and hasn’t shared a thing with anyone since I don’t think. Kids… not enough manuals.
Carol says
It’s situations like you are speaking of and my own personal experiences which total underscores my opinion that we come hard wired. I have a degree in behavioral science. My university was big on reinforcement theory—at least at the time I went to school. But it took having kids for me to make a HUGE dent in being a full supporter of that philosophy.